Thursday, August 14, 2008
Ya...

It's my 3rd post of the day.... Ya, actually todae is 1 month I hav gone without the hp? Ya, haha. I juz can't tell whether do I need the hp or wat? When I"m without hp. Many of them commented it is very dificult for them to contact me. Ya, I know hp makes things easier for ppl to contact but r there really so many ppl who wan to contact mi everyday? That's the point.

For the past days, i hav went without hp. Ya, I never saw any urgent mails or urgent relies on msn. I realised that most often I am the one lookin for ppl, not ppl lookin for mi. If I never complain how difficult for mi to keep in touch wif them. I don understand y shld they b the ones to complain. Right?

I firmly believed ppl can go without hp de. It's all in the mind. If you think you can do it, most probably you can do it. It's whether you want to do or not only. It hav been quite relaxing for mi ba. I think even when I get a line, things might oso b the same. Ya, I am giving my hp a long long break. For it to rest and hope it will recover when I need its services.

Ya, side track a bit. The day before, I was on msn chatting wif Wen Liang. Ya, it's the so called first time we chatted online as he don like ppl to appear offline de. Well, he wishes mi good luck for my final exams. N i thanked him and thus begin a long chat that last from abt 9pm plus to abt 1am. Ya, I really seldom chatted long on msn. Only wif the selected few ba.

Ya, we chatted a lot. He say I am one of the close friends he had in the LSCT society. Well, he does like to 'played' wif mi de. Strangled my neck, poked mi n others ba. Well, I met him durin lsct foc. He seems like a nice guy but den sometimes, he gets a bit 'high'. I hav tried to get to know him better but I felt there's juz this gap in between ba. Haha.

Ya, we r in different courses. I can't say he is my close friend in poly as we seldom get together in sch but he is still quite ok. Well, he asked mi not to quit lsct. Well, actually I was quite touched. He say he hope we can go for the foc next year, b in the club throughout the poly life. Well, I really don't know shld I quit or not.

There is no bonds in the CCA. Ya, I never really mixed ard. I don really know a lot of ppl in the society. Let mi count, 11 ppl and 6 of them r from my class de. As i had mentioned liao. I oso felt no bonds in my class oso. Fanny had decided to quit. So wat is still keepin mi from doing so? Wilson asked mi not to quit but den he oso don wan to join.

I don know. Mayb I still hope to know more friends. Mayb in my heart, I don wan to quit de. I really miss my SJAB days, my army days. The bonds of the friendship was so strong. I am so unlike nowadays. Smiling, laughing always. Mayb only those whom I am close to will get to c the noisy side of me now. I guess most of my poly friends will labelled mi as anti social, quiet person. No one will notice if I am there or not de.

I am actually very happy now cos I don need to go to sch. I don need to show them wat I am not. I don need to c them. I don need to fake myself. Mayb, most probably, I will quit lsct society. Whenever I think of my current poly experiences.... everything juz wasn't rite.... I wished I had never studied in the 1st place. I really wished I could turn back time.... Ya, poly means veri little to me now. At least for now. The only good thing I gained so far is getting to know my da ge.

Ya, I know if I quit lsct society. I will felt I let wenliang down but he has no idea of wat i am going through. I think if I still remain in the society. Most probably, he will become a close friend oso. But, I really had enough.... I am veri tired liao... I am veri sick.... I juz wan to enjoy my poly life.... even if I hav to fake it from outside.

Life is so short. Life is meant to b enjoyed de. So far I have not enjoyed yet. At least there are really few enjoyable moments.... Juz like fireworks. it was beautiful while it lasted. I enjoyed those precious moments even though it wasn't much. I hoped these few precious moments will b enough to last mi through the remaining time left in poly.

I shall try my best to keep thinkin of those happy times. So that it might make my life easier to pass. I don know if I will quit sch or not. But c how ba. The time is still long.... The ending is nt in sight.. Things r not easy for mi.... R there any shoulders for mi to hang on to?