Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Settled?

Well, I had a talk wif Huiping before the CNY. It was me who called her up for a chat. Initially, I never thought i will do it but at Kelly, Michelle, Hweiling's request... I finally decided to give huiping a chance to explain wat she did. Besides, I oso don't want to let her have any regrets ba.

I decided to be the nice guy again... So i decided to settle before the start of the lunar new year. She was quite surprised to receive my call. She said she was very grateful that I called. So the reason she told mi was that her chunch was the conservative type. So it was necessary for her to throw away the stuffs. Even though i still couldn't accept the reason, I still never said anything. I juz reminded her that since she had already chose to do that, she shld b prepared for the consequences that will follow.

I commented on this incident to her and pointed out the 6 things she had done wrongly.
1st She had never told me that she was going to throw away the stuffs.
2nd She tried to hide the facts from me if i never found out.
3rd She threaten Weiann to meet her if not she will throw more things away.
4th She tried to get others to pass mi back my stuffs when she shld b the one to meet mi.
5th She don't have the guts to face me for all the things she had done.
6th She shld not use God as a reason to explain her actions.

Well, at least, she won't feel so bad liao now i listen to her reasons. But i firmly stressed to her that it doesn't mean i had forgiven her even though i let her explain her actions. Wounds from the hearts is not easy to mend. It may mend, it may not... it may be years from now.... or no talking ever again.

She shld not have regret it cos it is her choice. Wat has been done had been done. There will not b any undoing oso. She shld face up to wat she had done.

I will no longer comment abt this incident and this shall b the last post abt it on the blog.

Labels: Forgive or not?

Sunday, January 25, 2009
CNY

Yo, even as I'm typing this.... CNY is coming soon. Ya, Another half an hour or so..... The ox yr will b here. Goodbye, Mouse... C u again in another 11 years....

Fri...
I met up kenny in the evening to walk ard in causeway point. It had been a really long time since i saw him n i don think he is getting on well wif life. I hope he will b able to sort things out n have better luck this yr.

Sat...
I met Vicky in the morning of sat at KAP to have macdonald breakfast before going to meet up qiyun to do projects together. Ph, Jj, Wesley, Paula, Michelle n Jamie were oso doing their projects there as well. I reached home at 1.30pm to put my bags n changed my clothes to go out again.

Well, I met YC to buy some new year clothes. We went to bugis n it was damn crowded. I bought a set of clothes while yc bought 2 sets. I do admit that there r some clothes that r rather eyes catching but i don hav the money to buy... =( Well, I will wait till after cny ba to c if there r any sales or not. Hahah.... Well, Yc n i sat down and talked for a long time abt an hour or so.... Well, it has been sometime since we had a good talk, cos usually i only heard him mentioning abt army stuffs... Well too bad next week he has 3 guard duties ba, I guess this comin weekend he won't hav the mood to come out ba. After shopping at bugis, We went to tiong bahru plaza hoping to c lijin but i think we arrived too late. The shop she was working in was closed when we reached. We ate at long john silver n i decide that it will be a long time before i will go n eat at long john silver again. The food were getting more lousier. Yc agreed wif mi. We went home after eating dinner.

Sun, eve of CNY....
I went out wif Wilson... I met him at doby gaut mrt station. We went bugis as he have not buy clothes yet. We had a good time lookin at clothes. Haha. I bought a comic book. Ya... It was rather a good time we had. Had a good time talkin n laughing oso. There r so many clothes... Had a rather difficult time choosing. Haha. We spend abt 2 hours out before heading home....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Emo.....

Well, recently I was quite emo in sch. It's juz that I don let my emo feelings get over me. I feel veri tired, my head juz won't remember the theory lessons that's goin on.... I didn't score well this semester. My grades r falling. I know I needed help but den I never ask...

Sometimes, i juz felt like being alone. Wat exactly happen? I'm nt sure either...

The things I'm sayin doesn't mean wat my heart is thinkin...

Mayb it all falls back on the JPAE application this yr. Well, this yr JPAE courses available for ITE BCT course is more impressive than last yr due to the fact that NYP had actually increased 2 science courses to 6 science courses. Mayb they finally realised the potiential of BCT students. NP on the other hand offered 9 courses this yr as compared to 3 courses last yr. Out of the 9 courses, only 1 science course is being offered whereas last yr the 3 courses NP offered 2 were science courses.

Ya, that's rite. NP had withdraw one of its science courses from the JPAE. Guess wat course was it? Yup, Biomedical Science. I guess I was the reason y NP withdraw BMS from JPAE. My results wasn't good. In fact, I'm the lowest scorer in my course. My ITE results were much better den my poly results. I'm better at practical den theory lessons. Somehow, I robbed my juniors of the chance to study this course due to my lousy results.I felt so bad.... Really, Andrew my ITE friend told mi he wanted to study this course but sadly, I have to tell him I'm so sorry to him. I was initially posted to M.Biotech but I was more interested in BMS due to the fact that in 2nd yr, I have a chance to opt for BLT so I appeal for BMS. I guessed my choice was wrong from the start.

Last friday, I went for the BLT interview. After the interview, I was quite sad. Cos during the interview, the interviewer never asked me any questions at all. Instead, she explained colour blindness to me. -.-" It's not like I don know my condition at all. She kept assuring me being colour blindness wasn't the end of evereything. She break to me in gentle words to tell me I wasn't suitable for BLT as the course will involved looking at tubes of different colours, interpreting results of different colours. Being colourblind, i will have a hard time trying to tell the correct colour. She said being colourblind doesn't mean I am not good. She said it's better for me to stay in BMS den BLT. She kept telling me that it's not my fault that I was colourblind.

I know it wasn't my fault that I was colourblind. One of my mom's gene was a recessive one and so I was born wif it. I never blamed my mom for passing me this gene n I am grateful to her for giving birth to me.Well, I never asked to b colourblind n I don wish to b one oso. It wasn't my fault either but y was I deny the chance of going to BLT due to my condition. I wanted to prove that colourblind ppl could do the same as a normal person. I had come so much n given up a lot of things to b in NP n somehow... I felt as if I shld nt come to a science course in the beginning. Colourblind ppl shld not take up science courses as a lot of practical involved colours. I was at a disadvantage as compared to others.

I know ppl shld look at a brighter side. Ppl look at me wif curious eyes, sometimes they juz kept asking me how do I look at colour? Some even ask me some questions which I felt was quite retarded. Wat colour is the grass? wat colour is my shirt? Dude, I'm nt colourblind to that extend. Prehaps my way of interpreting green is different to you. Prehaps the green that you r lookin at is different from the way I'm lookin. We see the same colours in different way. Sadly, I knew I could never see the true colours of a rainbow cos I don't know if the colours I see is the correct colour normal ppl see.

I know I shld nt b depressed over this as there r others less fortunate den me. Some r born totally colourblind meaning in their world it's only black n white. Some r born blind n they could only hear from ppl abt wat's goin on in this world.

But yet, I am still emo.... Mayb I'm still grieving for the BLT thingy, mayb I'm sad over the JPAE thingy, mayb I still couldn't get over abt her throwing present away.

Todae, I juz learnt that Evan from 1M04 had quit BMS, I was kinda shocked as I remembered him in my IS lessons. He was quite a quiet n nice guy. The last time I saw him was last yr. No wonder, I kept sensing that there was a missing person n I couldn't put a face to that.

Nowadays, I juz don hav the heart to do or study things. Whenever I reach home from sch, I will stay in my room staring at the 4 walls until I realised it was late n I shld sleep.... I think I have changed from being a lively person to a quiet person. I liked reading a lot but recently, I will borrow books from library n den i will juz stack it at a corner until it was time to return. I juz don feel like reading liao. Watever is becoming of mi? I never watched tv, I never go online. I never touch my games consoles for months. I juz feel like doing nth n stare at the wall all day long. Alone in my room....

I don know how long this will continue.... I'm tired of everything... I want to rest on my bed... I want to have a good sleep..... It has been months since I had a good undisturbed sleep. I will wake up in the middle of the nite, hearing my heart beating. I could hear it beating wif my ears. Am I ok or nt?

ps... CNY is in 5 days time.... Counting down to birthday...

Labels: wat can i do...

Saturday, January 17, 2009
Red Cliffs 2

Ya, I watched this movie Red Cliff 2 twice. Wif different friends. The 1st time I saw it, I thought it was quite awesome wif the battles scenes. Nt that it can b compared wif Lord of the ring though. I did feel a little sad while watching for the 1st time.

The 2nd time that i watched, which was yesterdae. I did feel rather emo while watching it. I rather feel like crying when I saw the soldiers fighting at the battles scenes. It feels so sad when i saw them dying for their countries. To die for one's country, is it very proud to be?
The dreams that vanished wif the death of an individual. It seems so sad to c young lives dying...

To me, there r no good sides or bad sides during a war. Ppl r pushed to war becos of the country.Y a country goes to war is becos of that very one person. One sentence, one action from that particular person can cause so many death and sacrifices. It is so sinful.

Does one's life belong to own self or to the country?

I can say my life belong to me. Only I can decide to do wif it but when a command from the country comes, I have no choice but to obey. We don't have any choices in this type of stituation.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Juz as usual...

Todae is Tues, well.... My Common Tests results aren't good. So far, I only passed 1 paper, failed 2 papers... 1 paper unknown yet but most probably I will failed. =(

The term will b ending soon. Projects, Practicals exams, class tests, they are coming up... Lining up... Next week, I got 2 project presentation, 1 practical exam, 1 CT retest. Argh.... Time is nt enough.... CNY is coming liao...

Beside that, I still haven't recovered from my sickness yet. Still feel tired, juz wan to laze ard n sleep. But i don hav the time to do that either.

I'm nt lookin forward to CNY this yr. I'm simply too tired. Ya, my birthdae is coming soon oso.... Juz another day to mark a yr older.... Nth special...

Well, kinda shocked to hear something from a friend.... I really never expected that there was this reason behind all....
*******************************************************************************
Conversation between me n an unknown...
Exact time: Unknown
Place: Somewhere on this earth...

Me: Did u talk to her yesterdae?
Unknown: Yea...
Me: Did she tell u the story?
Unknown: Well, somehow ba....
Me: What did she say?
Unknown: At first she say that god want her to throw the things away... I told her don't use god as everything....
Me: Then?
Unknown: i told her that she can give away the things. but she don't want.... Coz to her in someway those things are like sins.. if she gives them away, it's like adding sins to others. So to her, it's better to throw away.
Me: .....
Unknown: Relax, Chill down...
Me: What a great reason.... Sins.... Never really expected that.....
Unknown: I told her to talk to you again.... U talk nicely with her lol....
Me: How to talk nicely when she consider the things we gave her as sins....
Unknown: Let her explain her reasons to you ba... See what she can talk...
Me: So u accept her reasons?
Unknown: For me, I can only say there is nothing wrong in believing something.
Me: So u are telling me u accept her reasons for throwing?
Unknown: If she consider the things as sins and she was only throwing the sins away... Then i really can't understand even the things are sins or what, they are once something ur friends give.. meaning in the past ur friends are giving u sins??
Me: I don't know... I don't know what's going on her head....

Converstation ended....
********************************************************************************

Well, maybe I'm too sick too react or juz can't b bothered anymore.... She had deleted her blogspot n her livejournal blogs. Mayb she is ashamed of herself or she want to hide away from ppl. I don't know either...

But I felt that this is a bit too much liao.... The things are sins to her.... This sentence juz keep echoing in my brain... No matter wat reasons I have to cover u up from before, No matter wat excuses I hav been telling myself... Even though I really want to forgive u de but den this one sentence from u.... Everything juz vanished liao....

U told mi u throw the things away as u don't want to be reminded of the past, u r only throwing the physical things away but u r still keeping them in ur heart.

Well, now that i c it.... How can I believe that u will remember the things in ur heart when u r sayin that the things we gave to u are sins.

So r u sayin we are giving u sinful things. So r u sayin that the money spend, the effort that was made, the thoughts that were given, the kind intentions that we had for u.... Were only simply giving u more sins.

Did it occur to u that we might b hurt or insulted by these comments of urs. U don treasure the things we gave you n throw away. Even though I am angry by these actions of u, I still tell myself u had ur reasons of doing so... Now that this reason of throwing the sinful things... I doubt I could really control it.... Even to u, the things we gave to u r sins. U can't deny the thoughts, the wishes, the kind intentions behind the gift.

So this is the lousy reason u r telling mi, I doubt I can really forgive and forget. When u hurt ppl with these words of urs. It's nt mi only who gave u gifts. U have a lot of friends who have given u somethings from their hearts. So to u, it's only sins n more sins.... Did u realise that u r hurting these ppl as well... U can tell mi u don't mean anything, but ur actions r doing the opposite of wat u r saying....

Do u still remember something that yc did before during the ITE days? We had to do a survey on our lecturers. Do u still remember what he wrote for Ms. Fong? There was this question Is Ms. Fong is a good lecturer? He clicked the agree button. But for the overall comment, he wrote that Ms. Fong doesn't teach things clearly n her speech was very bad. He had problems trying to understand it. So he was saying Ms. Fong was a good lecturer but she doesn't teach clearly. The students have a hard time trying to figure out what she is teaching. He is giving her a good remark in the beginning but in the end, he actually 'shot' her down.

So now, back to wat u did... R you trying to say to me, I still treasure u as a friend but the things I gave you are simply too sinful for you to keep so you have to throw away? Did u c the similiar things between wat u did to us n wat yc did to Ms. Fong? Yc's intention to Ms. Fong is also good but he never think properly.... But that was only a survey the dept want from us so that they could make adjustment to suit students.

So wat is it u wan? Wat adjustment did u need? Wat was it that u really wanted to throw away? It's not abt the things that was thrown away that I'm upset... Wat's thrown have been thrown, nth can't change it... I'm more upset abt wat was it that make u think that the things we were giving u were sins. Wat is happening to u? Did u realise wat u have done to u? Or wat hav u done to us? Can u give back the old u?

Suddenly, I recalled something u have told me...

人会随着时间而改变...

i realised that the old "U" had simply vanished...
Somehow, I don't recognised u now anymore....
Cos u r no longer the way u used to b....
Mayb, it's oso God's will that things turn out this way....
N I could do nothing abt it......
Nothing....

Cos everything had juz simply disappeared...
One day, I do hope that the old U will b back.....
I'll b waiting for that day....

Labels: Things disappeared for a reason.....

Friday, January 9, 2009
Weekends again....

Well, sch had started for a week liao. N now it's the weekend again.... Time really pass very fast... Even though this is the 1st week of sch, I felt as if holidays never existed at all. It seems to mi that I was going to sch everyday ever since oct 08.

Ya, yesterdae was NP open house. My school of Life science gave the students 2 days off... I went to NYP wif Qiyun, Meet up Ranlin, Wesley n Amelia at SP before making our way back to NP for free goodies bag. So far, NYP goodie bag was the best. NP was the worst. Only a notebook pad. It was lousy as compared to last yr. Well, we went to the HS sch for a tour n RL made a lot of crap jokes. Actually he was talking craps for the whole day. We each received a small teddy bear keychain at the end of the tour. It was better den last yr teddy bear. Mayb I will post the photos in another post. I'm too lazy to do so at the moment.

Actually, I was sick for the whole of this week, suffering from sore throat, block nose, coughing. I never slept well for the past 7 days. Finally today den I went to c a doc at polyclinic. Actually todae, I was supposed to go to a little red dot museum for my C.A.Ts lesson but den i am too lazy oso to go for it. So i went to take a mc. The doc wanted to gave mi a 2 days mc due to the bad coughing i have but sadly for mi... Tomo is a sat.... I shld hav go next week. Haha.

Well, comparing this yr JPAE n last yr. The courses available had increased. NYP had gave its support to ITE students. This time, I guessed YC will have a better chance of going into the curse he wanted. NYP Food Science is available on the list liao. I guess he wanted to go to TP de but den TP still haven't opened the doors for him yet. I can guess wat choices he will put on his JPAE... 1st SP food science & technology, 2nd NYP food science, 3rd to 5th choices I won't b quite sure but den he will sure pin his hopes on the 1st 2 choices de. This is his character.

Labels: Time....

Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wat is over is over

Well, I shall start straight ba.

U have made the decision to throw away the stuffs we bought.
U have the strength to do that.
U have the mindset that u won't change.
U don't have the courage to face us or mayb shld I say....
U don't have the courage to face mi...

It's true wei ann forward me the sms u msg him. U want to give back the stuffs which i had given to u before. There r some more stuffs from me which are still at ur place. N I think I know wat r these stuffs. N u actually say, if Weiann don't meet u to take this stuffs, U might throw away. To think u r using this word to so call threaten him or wat but den he won't care de. Cos these r nt his things anyway.

I knew U r meeting Kelly tomo at SP open house. U r going to pass her a birthday present that I, YC n Kenny bought for her de, Sebas' comics n my stuffs. I have told Kelly to tell u that watever stuffs u want to return. U muz return back to its owners. This is the least that u could do oso. Cos these things were passed to u by the owners. I could go SP n waited for u de but den I won't do that. I have no intention of appearing in front of u nor do I will go n find u to take back. U shld b the one to find mi to explain more clearly abt ur "action."

Anyway, I don't think u will come looking for mi either. So now, even though my mind is furious at ur "actions" as I typed this. My heart is beating still as normal. Feeling nth. The normal heart rate. It seems to b telling mi don bother cos u still don understand wat r u doing oso.

There r things that I wan to ask u de. But den, I will nt appear in front of u to ask u or call u to ask.

Did u know wat u r doing or nt?

Even though u might feel sad abt our friendship, the way it is hanging by a thread now. Did u know y it is hanging on a thread or nt? Do U know who caused it de?

Hmmm... those stuffs that u want to give me back de, shld b those stuffs I had given to u. Those stuffs which u liked it in the past de. Since these stuffs were given to u by mi, These r called gifts. How could u return something which was given by the thoughts, the heart. How could u return a gift? These stuffs which were given to u, were already urs liao. Nt mine. It wasn't my stuffs liao. I won't accept it back de. U can do watever u want wif it.

For every gifts which were given to u by ur friends in the past symolise the friendship that we had. So in conclusion, for every stuffs u r throwing.... U r oso throwing away the friendship of that particular friend.

So far how many friendships had u thrown away?
How much more r u going to throw?
Wat exactly will u achieve by doing it?
I won't speak on behalf of ur other friends. i am toking abt ur ITE BCT friends now.

How many BCT friendship have u lose liao?
Hwei Ling's? Calvin's?

Which r the one will u lose next?
Lijin's? Yong Chiang's? Yiqi's? Serene's? Mine's? Sebas's?

I think Annas, Michelle n Kelly will still side by u ba.

Maybe none of us ever matters to u now liao. Cos the pathway that we had once travel side by side has gone. Cos maybe to u, this is God's way of testing u ba. Maybe to u, everything that is happening now is God's will. So can i say maybe God don't want our friendship to continue ba. It had to be ended now, immediately, straight on the spot. Maybe I am sent by Satan to shaken ur faith in God. Maybe I am too evil for u to handle liao. That is y u started throwing everything.

Lastly, I wish to add on... As far as I am concerned.... This friendship still remain.... It shall remain till the last stuffs of mine r thrown away.

When that day, u clear urself of my gifts to u....
The very day, I shall mark an end to everything.

Labels: Am I a satan?

Sunday, January 4, 2009
Hafizd...

Well, there was a sat where i went out wif yc to cineleisure to walk ard.... N guess wat I saw? Ya, these r wat I saw....





These posters feature TP... Well, the O levels results will b released soon... N so TP is hanging these posters at cineleisure to attract the teenagers....





Ya, Hafizd was the one representing TP. I could hardly believed my eyes when I saw the posters. Well to think he is popular enough to b the spokeman of TP. Haha... Mayb I shld asked for his autograph... Haha... Who knows whether he will become a famous actor or nt?

Saturday, January 3, 2009
Weeee....

Well, this is ever the first time that i have wish Da ge happy bday n shake his hand on exactly 12 midnight on his bday... Weee.... Ya, I'm oso the last person to b wif him at the last min od his day. Haha...

Well, think he was kinda shocked to receive a present from mi, I had kept him guessing that it was a pink fluffy cake that i had bought for him. Haha... Well, this bday present is oso a first for mi. Cost mi quite a bomb. But den, i guessed it was worth it ba, cos he's da ge ma. Xiao di muz give a presentable present de.

Well, hope da ge will take good care of himself. Study hard n play hard... Wooh...

Ps... Sch starting soon.... Nightmare beginning again....

Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009...

2009 is here.... 2008 has passed.... I uploaded some photos that I shld hav posted up long ago on christmas 2008....

Christmas 2008, I went out wif Lijin, Calvin n Yc to vivo city to eat steamboat. Walked along vivo for a while... The christmas tree at vivo was veri pretty wif the lights on. It's a pity I never took any photos of it. Vivo was quite crowded.



This photo was taken at plaza singapura. I think Yc was wif mi when I took this photo ba. My memory really became bad wif each passing time...