Care Bear

Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Tues

Well, yesterdae went to recruit express for a short interview. The lady say she will help me find a temp job but I don't like her. She seems too serious as if she got little time to spare.

Well, I headed to lot 1 after that cos I got a feeling that I will b able to see a particular person. When I reached there, I go walked around. I go library, comics shop, arcade, food court, ntuc n others. Ya true enough, I saw him wif his friends. It has been a week since I contact him. It really is. The last msg from him was last mon 3pm. Ya.

Ghost squad, initial D ver 3. I never went near, juz stood a distance n watched. After abt 10 mins, I left lot 1.

Suddenly feeling quite depressed. The virtual world aka internet, nearly everyday i have been facing this screen, sch days, holidays. The screen is actually a dead screen. Yet, I needed it to survive? To use msn to chat wif friends? To check emails?

I missed the days where I would wait for the letters to arrive.

I missed the days chatting on the phones.

I missed the days renting movie to watch on tv wif family n friends.

I missed alot of things.

Things r not wat it is now.

Msn, You will never know wat the other party are thinking of when u r chatting wif them.

I can not see their facial expression.

I do not know wat are they thinking of.

I do not know how to tell which sentences are truth, which are fake.

I do not know if those I consider friends are actually my friends.

I do not know if I am thinking too much.

Suddenly, msn seems very scary to mi.

My hp is like dead nowadays due to using prepaid card probably. I seldom received msg liao. Actually it seems like I am without hp oso. Ppl are getting colder. I think they faced the virtual world too much liao that's y ppl are getting cold-hearted.

The promises ppl made, they can actually forgot. Wat happen to the words they made?

I learnt that ppl's words cannot b trusted nowadays.

I learnt that I can only depend on myself.

I learnt that words r invisible things that can b seen.

I learnt that in the end there's only me.
I learnt that there's nobody sharing my thinking.

I learnt that I'm actually quite alone.

Well, I do try to keep the promises I have ever made. Ya. This is my principle. Well, I do not know abt others. Sometimes, I admit I do get disappointed by ppl, I will just try to console myself. Everytime, I get disappointed, I will start to think.

Staring at the space, wondering.

This is the most common thing I am doing currently.

I don't feel like playing games.

I don't feel like reading.

I don't feel like listening to music or watching movies.

I don't feel like doing anything.

Sign, mayb I will go to the beach by myself one of these days.

To calm myself down.

To tell myself life is still so wonderful.

To know that I'm actually troubling myself for nothing.

To let the sun make mi realise that this is still hope around.

I am actually so depressed that I do not feel like typing Haha on msn now. Early this evening, I was just trying to make ppl think I am still the normal me. Laughing like always, being the cheerful me. Ya, now it's time to say wat I want ba.

In the past, whenever I saw this emotion

, I will laugh like crazy cos I can imagine that particular person making this face. Whenever I saw it, I will think of that person. No matter how down I am, I just can't stopped laughing.

Now, I don't even feel like laughing when I saw it.

I feel like taking a break from the virtual world. Juz like how I take a break from my hp. I don't know when I will return once more.

Mayb a year?

Mayb a month ?

Mayb a week ?

Mayb a day ?

Mayb an hour ?

I do not know.

But for now, I want to take a break from the virtual world. Yup, hope I cheer up fast ba.

* * *

A special note

This marks the 5t months liao. Exactly 5 months. Nice knowing you Da ge. I juz wish you could bring a smile to my face soon. When will you be able to make time for mi?

canthisbeuse on 12:01 AM

Tuesday, September 2, 2008 Tues

Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Tues