Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Juz as usual...

Todae is Tues, well.... My Common Tests results aren't good. So far, I only passed 1 paper, failed 2 papers... 1 paper unknown yet but most probably I will failed. =(

The term will b ending soon. Projects, Practicals exams, class tests, they are coming up... Lining up... Next week, I got 2 project presentation, 1 practical exam, 1 CT retest. Argh.... Time is nt enough.... CNY is coming liao...

Beside that, I still haven't recovered from my sickness yet. Still feel tired, juz wan to laze ard n sleep. But i don hav the time to do that either.

I'm nt lookin forward to CNY this yr. I'm simply too tired. Ya, my birthdae is coming soon oso.... Juz another day to mark a yr older.... Nth special...

Well, kinda shocked to hear something from a friend.... I really never expected that there was this reason behind all....
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Conversation between me n an unknown...
Exact time: Unknown
Place: Somewhere on this earth...

Me: Did u talk to her yesterdae?
Unknown: Yea...
Me: Did she tell u the story?
Unknown: Well, somehow ba....
Me: What did she say?
Unknown: At first she say that god want her to throw the things away... I told her don't use god as everything....
Me: Then?
Unknown: i told her that she can give away the things. but she don't want.... Coz to her in someway those things are like sins.. if she gives them away, it's like adding sins to others. So to her, it's better to throw away.
Me: .....
Unknown: Relax, Chill down...
Me: What a great reason.... Sins.... Never really expected that.....
Unknown: I told her to talk to you again.... U talk nicely with her lol....
Me: How to talk nicely when she consider the things we gave her as sins....
Unknown: Let her explain her reasons to you ba... See what she can talk...
Me: So u accept her reasons?
Unknown: For me, I can only say there is nothing wrong in believing something.
Me: So u are telling me u accept her reasons for throwing?
Unknown: If she consider the things as sins and she was only throwing the sins away... Then i really can't understand even the things are sins or what, they are once something ur friends give.. meaning in the past ur friends are giving u sins??
Me: I don't know... I don't know what's going on her head....

Converstation ended....
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Well, maybe I'm too sick too react or juz can't b bothered anymore.... She had deleted her blogspot n her livejournal blogs. Mayb she is ashamed of herself or she want to hide away from ppl. I don't know either...

But I felt that this is a bit too much liao.... The things are sins to her.... This sentence juz keep echoing in my brain... No matter wat reasons I have to cover u up from before, No matter wat excuses I hav been telling myself... Even though I really want to forgive u de but den this one sentence from u.... Everything juz vanished liao....

U told mi u throw the things away as u don't want to be reminded of the past, u r only throwing the physical things away but u r still keeping them in ur heart.

Well, now that i c it.... How can I believe that u will remember the things in ur heart when u r sayin that the things we gave to u are sins.

So r u sayin we are giving u sinful things. So r u sayin that the money spend, the effort that was made, the thoughts that were given, the kind intentions that we had for u.... Were only simply giving u more sins.

Did it occur to u that we might b hurt or insulted by these comments of urs. U don treasure the things we gave you n throw away. Even though I am angry by these actions of u, I still tell myself u had ur reasons of doing so... Now that this reason of throwing the sinful things... I doubt I could really control it.... Even to u, the things we gave to u r sins. U can't deny the thoughts, the wishes, the kind intentions behind the gift.

So this is the lousy reason u r telling mi, I doubt I can really forgive and forget. When u hurt ppl with these words of urs. It's nt mi only who gave u gifts. U have a lot of friends who have given u somethings from their hearts. So to u, it's only sins n more sins.... Did u realise that u r hurting these ppl as well... U can tell mi u don't mean anything, but ur actions r doing the opposite of wat u r saying....

Do u still remember something that yc did before during the ITE days? We had to do a survey on our lecturers. Do u still remember what he wrote for Ms. Fong? There was this question Is Ms. Fong is a good lecturer? He clicked the agree button. But for the overall comment, he wrote that Ms. Fong doesn't teach things clearly n her speech was very bad. He had problems trying to understand it. So he was saying Ms. Fong was a good lecturer but she doesn't teach clearly. The students have a hard time trying to figure out what she is teaching. He is giving her a good remark in the beginning but in the end, he actually 'shot' her down.

So now, back to wat u did... R you trying to say to me, I still treasure u as a friend but the things I gave you are simply too sinful for you to keep so you have to throw away? Did u c the similiar things between wat u did to us n wat yc did to Ms. Fong? Yc's intention to Ms. Fong is also good but he never think properly.... But that was only a survey the dept want from us so that they could make adjustment to suit students.

So wat is it u wan? Wat adjustment did u need? Wat was it that u really wanted to throw away? It's not abt the things that was thrown away that I'm upset... Wat's thrown have been thrown, nth can't change it... I'm more upset abt wat was it that make u think that the things we were giving u were sins. Wat is happening to u? Did u realise wat u have done to u? Or wat hav u done to us? Can u give back the old u?

Suddenly, I recalled something u have told me...

人会随着时间而改变...

i realised that the old "U" had simply vanished...
Somehow, I don't recognised u now anymore....
Cos u r no longer the way u used to b....
Mayb, it's oso God's will that things turn out this way....
N I could do nothing abt it......
Nothing....

Cos everything had juz simply disappeared...
One day, I do hope that the old U will b back.....
I'll b waiting for that day....

Labels: Things disappeared for a reason.....